Itchin' To Shoot Somethin'

After the dinner dishes were prewashed by Cali and stacked into the dishwasher by your's truly, the two of us headed out for our after dinner stroll. Luna usually hangs back more interested in Pat's attention than most anything else on the planet, even gophers! It's all good, though, everyone's happy. She and Pat will take their walk later on.

Our gravel driveway runs a good 1/2 mile where it ends with a few mailboxes, a cattleguard, and the decision to turn left or right. Right will take you to the interstate 3 miles south, left will take you god knows where.

At the midway point along the driveway there is a Y. Coming up from the road, bearing right will drop you at Gerard's place, head left and you'll end up at our place. Cali and I got as far as the Y when I noticed a lump in the road about 100 feet ahead. Taking a closer look seemed foolish, so I fumbled around each pocket searching for my phone thinking I'd call Pat and he could drive up with the gun. Of course, the phone's sitting on the kitchen counter leaving us to hike back to the house as quickly as possible. I sure didn't want Mr. Snake to get away. Just last weekend Pat and I spent half a day learning gun safety and practicing shooting paper gophers. By now I'm itchin' to shoot somethin'.

Having reached 90 degrees this afternoon it was a bit too warm to run, but with the promise of a treat, Cali managed to walk really really fast. By the time we reached the house my heart was pounding with excitement. I was finally getting a chance to shoot the dreaded snake. I yelled up the stairs for Pat. With competition from the TV, it took a few yells before he reluctantly answered. I told him to put on his shoes and come with me. "There's a snake on the driveway near the mailboxes. Come with me while I shoot it", I bellowed. Down he came--hiding his excitement, but I could tell. "You load while I drive", I said. He took the gun and ammo and we both hurried out the door.

At the Y, I stopped the car scanning the road hoping the snake was still enjoying the warm gravel.

"There he is", I yelled-- with the excitement of a 6-year-old catching the first glimpse of Disney World.
Pat responded, "you mean that pile of horse shit?"
"What? That's horse shit?"
"If you don't know the difference between a snake and horse shit..."

I turned the car around and headed back home more disappointed than embarrassed, but embarrassed all the same. What if I truly don't know the difference between--
a snake and _____.